It’s a cleaning house kind of weekend.

Yesterday I felt compelled to spend the better part of a beautiful Saturday washing the hardwood floors and windows, dusting mini blinds, sweeping the deck and doing laundry. Today I think my spirit is doing a bit of cobweb clearing too. I’ve pretty much given in to a silly little crying jag that started in a dream and shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. In the center of my chest is a stabbing feeling ~ like something is gone and is ripping my heart out with it. A couple of times it’s had me doubled over, gut-wrenching, wracked, a good kind of cry. From down deep somewhere, whatever has left or is on its way out is leaving because the time has come for it to go.

A friend asked me over coffee a few days ago what I wanted to do with my photography now that I’m in Southern California. The answer I gave is that I really don’t know. As an artist or creator or whatever, shouldn’t I have an answer for that? It would be sweet to be in a gallery or two, and heck, I’d love to sell more of my prints online, but I’m not sure those two things alone completely fuel the fire. I once didn’t take a job as a photographer’s assistant because the woman told me she wasn’t it in to make “pretty pictures” and did it strictly for the money. Eh, I kinda need more than that.

His simple and honest question haunts me. There is more to my answer than that I just don’t know. The truth is, I’m kinda winging it right now. I mean, I did move to LA, and then Ojai, more on a whim than a plan, right? I’m figuring out stuff all the time. I don’t know exactly where I’m going with this but I do know that I don’t need to beat myself up for not having it all laid out on paper just yet. Something is swirling around and taking shape and building form and in its present stages already is something I could not have come up with on my own. So whatever’s going on inside today, this little bit of cleansing and making space, I’m going to just go with it.

So no big blog today, ok? Just a really cool little ditty that’s my new fav song from the all too awesome Rob Thomas. Now excuse me, because this song today, makes me wanna cry.