I came home from work this evening to see a “for rent” sign posted in my yard.

It was a surreal feeling, and I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. It’s easy to dream,  and make big plans, and get hyped and giddy fantasizing about the future. Yet,  it was a little bit odd to see such bold confirmation from the Universe planted firmly in my soil. The sign says, “for rent” but what it shouts to me is, “baby, your intention is now concrete reality. how’s that workin’ for ya?”

For about 5 seconds, the world wiggled. It was like that feeling you get when you stand up too fast or return to land after spending your day at sea. I felt myself glide through one of those dimensional portal things ~ wormholes, or blackholes ~ those doorways you see on the old Star Trek series that move you between time. Though I still sat in my car and the radio played the same song, that 5 second journey ever so slightly took my breath, stopped my heart and dropkicked me into my future. And then I laughed, got out the car, grabbed the camera, took a snapshot of my latest creation, and let the dogs out for a walk.

What surprises me most about this, the 4.5.0th exodus to L.A., is the lack of strong emotion surrounding its evolution. Don’t get me wrong, I have yearned for, and want, this badly, and I’m electrified with positive energy in anticipation of heading out next month. I’ve had my “oh holy shit, yah!” moments. What’s missing is the emotional upheaval, the extreme highs and the extreme lows that have accompanied these transitions in the past.

While it may have appeared to some to be just another of Karal’s flighty mistakes, choosing not to go back out to L.A. last year has proven to be one of my wisest decisions. I’m still not entirely sure why I stayed. Things happened that were too coincidental and serendipitous to not have been part of the plan (not my plan, the plan) and though some of the lessons of the past 365 days have been a bit painful, the growing pains birthed a pretty crystal clear vision of just who this entity named Karal is, and that’s alright by me.

Along the way, some friendships I thought were solid crumbled, some I thought dead, revived, and some, suffering from neglect, I attempted to save. But if the hand extended finds only space and air, perhaps nothing needs saving after all.

Too, letting go of unrealistic expectations and unfulfilled promises, clung to like a life raft, has allowed me to fall into some rather choppy seas, and damn, surprise ~ I can swim. It’s a whole lot easier to float yourself to shore under your own power than it is to waste your resources attempting to dislodge someone else’s stuck anchor. If they wanted to go along for your ride, they’d happily leave the anchor behind, don’t ya know.

On the lighter side, I landed a great job, and with that, a very cool boss who pretty much threatened to fire me if I didn’t pursue this blog. Writing has always been my way to root, to ground, to vent, to attempt to see things in a different light; having this space and my 4 or 5 devoted readers just jazzes me beyond words.  And after being sick for close to 30 months, a combination of yoga, vegetarianism, probiotics and digestive enzymes (and, I am convinced, finally coming to peace with some things),  has returned my belly to its almost normal state of mind. I’m healthy, and that I so do not take lightly.

Which leads me back to that lack of emotion, or maybe better said, a lack of drama. Possibly, I think, because for the first time in many years things are exactly where they are supposed to be and I am right where I am supposed to be within them. There’s no push and pull, no tug or fight, no resistance, no need to control. There’s just this flow, this stream, this place of belonging in my own life that I don’t remember feeling since I was a kid in junior high. I’ve lived the last 12 months in the absolutely most dog-friendly, laid back and cool neighborhood in Virginia Beach, and I’m still willing to give away most everything I own to pack my dogs and me in the truck and get my butt to the west coast. This reality thing is working pretty darn okay.

Oh, and there’s a great apartment for rent off Shore Drive. It’s just waiting for somebody ready to move into their future.