Living Out Loud. ( v10). When I grow up. ~ by JBarbie

When I grow up I want to be a mommie. I want to experience the undeniable love of a child, to see pure innocence, and hear uncontrollable giggles. I want to watch my babies grow and learn, and go off to college and become doctors and lawyers. I want the whole “mommie” experience. I want to see them in the Christmas pageant, help them catch lightening bugs, and watch them reach for the stars. I want to watch them when they win the spelling bee and make their favorite desserts. These are all the things I want to experience when I become a mommie.

 I am 42 years old. I have raised 5 children. Number 6 is four. I have changed millions of diapers, cleaned up vomit, made numerous visits to the ER. I have heard uncontrollable crying and seen pure innocence lost, never to return. I have seen college days end before they began. I have seen the disappointment of a child lose her spelling bee. I have seen them heartbroken and heard their obscenities muttered under their breath when they were angry with me. I’ve watched them reach for stairs, and I’ve seen their stars fall. Being a mom, I’ve learned hard lessons. It’s the hardest job in the world. Yes, you’re loved unconditionally but you love them unconditionally as well, and sometimes that hurts. You make lots of mistakes, and you share in not only the good, but also the bad. You have high expectations and you have dreams for them. But your dreams aren’t always theirs. Your expectations aren’t always met, and you realize instead of making your mistakes, they made their own, and when you think they’re not listening, they are, and when you’re so fed up you swear you’ll never help them again, they crawl back into your heart asking for help and you do help – to an extent. Because you watched them learn to crawl, to walk, and to run. Now you guide them to fly. But unconditionally, you still love them. No matter what.

So, when I grow up – I think I want to be a grandma.